tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50640473366090973922011-09-12T19:35:05.448ZHumbug, vitriol and social commentIanklychnoreply@blogger.comBlogger501100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-55531989493670045912010-12-13T22:20:00.003Z2010-12-13T22:36:56.733Z

Recently, after An Explanation of the Inner Workings of Name Servers And The Squirrels Within, Cream Until Fluffy asked me to explain long division. Long division requires a rather different sort of animal. You need burrowing, ground dwelling mammals, rather than arboreous squirrels. I like to use marmots or maybe rabbits if no marmots are available. You can need quite a lot, so find a well

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-11962308970325693102010-09-04T19:54:00.001Z2010-09-04T19:54:11.098Z

Today Esme came home from a party with a helium balloon tied to her party-bag. Esme: 'Can I take it to the garden and let it float?' Me: 'No darling, because it won't come back, it will be lost.' Esme: 'That's okay, I don't mind. Can we let it go?' Me: 'Well, if you're sure, you know you won't be able to get it back?' Esme: 'That's okay, can we go to the garden and watch it float?' Me

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-47328382915652936442010-07-18T21:30:00.001Z2010-07-18T21:30:31.612Z

In line with its policy to ensure university places are available to all those who want them, the U.K. government, in partnership with the Football Association is starting a major new initiative to ensure there will be a place in a Premiership football club for all young people 18-26 who wish to choose football instead of further education. Each year, for the next eight years, an additional

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-51920461648256229252010-06-26T22:47:00.001Z2010-06-26T22:47:56.160Z

This seems to come from a reliable source: Police Tasered an 86-year-old disabled grandma in her bed and stepped on her oxygen hose until she couldn't breathe, after her grandson called 911 seeking medical assistance, the woman and her grandson claim in Oklahoma City Federal Court. Though the grandson said, "Don't Taze my granny!" an El Reno police officer told another cop to "Taser her!"… http

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-40098796566361746652010-06-25T23:19:00.004Z2010-06-26T13:59:12.236Z

The lovely Zan bought Esme some small plastic horses.The photograph does not do justice to the beautiful, natural, equine blue and yellow hues.There was something about them that made me immediately think of Latawnya, The Naughty Horse.

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-50981819562119837602010-06-24T20:04:00.002Z2010-06-24T20:31:21.846Z

I just found this blog under a pile of old newspapers and copies of Land Rover Enthusiast magazines, I thought I'd see if it still worked.I've found a thing.A mysterious thing.It is here:http://tinyurl.com/32ggl7jI saw it from the train when we travelled to darkest North Essex, and thought, "Now that, that is a truly mysterious thing!"I have little doubt that is there to summon aliens, but which

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-68248603258668066532010-02-20T10:12:00.004Z2010-02-20T13:25:55.209Z

Oscar Wellington Finbarr "Dangerous" Cornwell:= Sadly Antonia won't allow "Dangerous" to go on birth certificate. Just in case he isn't.

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-74706830301808910772008-10-11T09:14:00.003Z2008-10-11T09:22:25.159Z

For having this on your front page:Panel: Palin 'Abused Her Power' Ethics inquiry concludes Palin was 'proper and lawful' in firing a state commissioner but failed to keep her husband from meddling in trooper's discipline.-----------------------An interesting précis of the report in which the BBC seemed to think the author, investigator Steve Branchflower, concluded with:"I find that

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-60481230797312477092007-10-15T19:15:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:02.692Z

I have been roused from my blogging slumber by a recent poster advertising campaign that has left me all a-flutter and aghast. If you are of a delicate disposition I would advise that you look away, and skip the photograph that follows. It is not for eyes of decent folk - you have been warned.Exhibit A.Those who did not heed my warning and looked will probably be feeling quite nauseous and more

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-70150406250047832007-09-23T19:46:00.000Z2007-09-23T19:48:27.840Z

Yikes. How can one small child take up so much of two adults time? Is this normal? Why hasn't the human race died out yet? This can't be right.Right must dash. Have to buy custard.Arrrgh!

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-46308760918132838082007-08-10T18:26:00.001Z2008-12-12T00:49:03.118Z

I use to work for a company. They were okay, they had a tendency to to use nouns as verbs, but mostly they spoke English. Then they got taken over.This is an excerpt from their current website:We co-ordinate our work-loads through Global Delivery which implements our continuous improvement methods, tools and techniques and performance measurement approach.Implementation embeds our range of tools,

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-73237254934250753032007-08-08T21:16:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:04.602Z

Around the end of April, I went to Surrey, to see two men about a Land Rover. My Land Rover.A week later, I took my precious back to Surrey and left her there.[Lone flute plays the theme from "Our Tune" with Simon Bates]It wasn't easy but I had to do it. Since then, as you may have noticed my blogging tailed right off, I wasn't eating properly and I had a deep, gnawing emptiness inside of me.

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-72141310872656145572007-08-06T20:10:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:05.089Z

From Chatham to Chicago, a 900 miles bored game for all the family!Start:6:30am.Leave Chatham, Cape Cod, MA only 20 minutes later than planned - not bad. Move forward one space.Drive the first 70 miles to Boston in one hour! Hoorah! Move forward 2 spaces!Drive next 15 miles in one hour - poop. Miss a turn.Satellite Navigation system knows the way back to the car rental place! Hoorah! Move forward

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-62119804112123594082007-07-31T22:21:00.000Z2007-07-31T22:49:05.508Z

Gosh, is it really two and a half months since I wrote anything? How time flies by! Well I've just had a most splendid holiday; far, far, away, in the land of the Baconator. Half the story can be read here the rest will be coming here soon... It will please you all to know that I got my Baconator. Mmmmm bacon.... it was, like, you know, like, totally awesome, and Antonia was, like, Oh My God,

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-62785411899290052222007-05-12T16:50:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:05.614Z

I have invented a whole new food thing!Well, I expect someone else *might* have invented it before, but if they did they never told me and I'm not searching t'internet just to prove myself wrong. That would be daft.Anyway I invented the Honey Omelette!Just mix up one egg and add two BIG dollops of honey. I thought this might make a big claggy, sticky, egg, mess that stuck to everything* but it

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-89272526866778293422007-05-09T20:11:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:08.186Z

Antonia went out at the weekend leaving me with an Esme. Esme wanted a nap so I found a camera and wrote my first photo story for children.Magic Bunny Meets A MoonbeastMagic Bunny and Bear had been out with Esme, who hadbecome rather sleepy and was having a nap.Sweet dreams Esme!Magic Bunny heard a noise.'Did you hear something, Bear?' asked Magic Bunny.'Do you mean the sound of an ageless

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-19441499105237671482007-04-17T20:45:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:08.846Z

A beautifully sunny weekend! Spring is truly upon us!I spent Saturday morning driving to Surrey and back, and I must say deepest Surrey countryside really is quite something. Like an arse I didn't have a camera with me, so you'll just have to put up with a description, I guess if a picture is worth a thousand words, then a hundred words will give you a squishy thumbnail in which you can almost

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-77867578428574635502007-04-09T20:30:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:09.128Z

I keep thinking of things I want to write about, then either think about them too much 'til I'm bored of them, or completely forget them. So a mixed bag of thoughts and jottings today.Mahmoud AhmadinejadThe president of Iran, or, according to some UK tabloids 'The Evil President of Iran', has been in the news a lot, and he has a beard not unlike my own. I think he played the whole thing very well

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-78344904063753847532007-03-29T20:03:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:10.101Z

Gosh. It's been a while. I've been busy, busy, busy. I am a year older, I am now the proud owner of a beautiful walrus, I've fitted a new gear stick to my broken Land Rover, I've been working too much, But most of all, I've been growing a beard, which is hard work and doesn't leave much time for blogging. Come September 1st the Handlebar Club is hosting the World Beard And Moustache

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-45779412550908941602007-03-19T22:21:00.000Z2007-03-20T08:25:54.006Z

This weekend we did many things, though mostly we went to Devon to see my aged P's and Grand P, who hadn't yet met Esme. Along the way we passed to wondrous Stonehenge, and it got me all remembering. Many, many moons ago, when the Earth was young, mammoths ranged over what is now Surrey and the ice caps came down to just past Penge. I was a teenager, I had hair, and in those days, long before I'd

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-6485443788613227072007-03-15T21:24:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:10.665Z

Fans of Viz (see below) will no doubt have noticed the lovable, wife-beating alcoholic Eight Ace has been in the news."I mean the language of war is victims. I don't like to kill people. I feel very sorry they been killed kids in 9/11"I hope they have their man. Four years detained by the CIA, somewhere secret and presumably worse than Guantanamo Bay, and I'd probably confess to most things.

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-8536471796448391532007-03-11T20:17:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:10.879Z

From Viz magazine, a while back. I love cormorants - doesn't everyone? - and having had a particularly bleak period in my early twenties I especially love the Chadwell O'Cheese and his Cormorants Of Futility.

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-64838876535449037232007-03-10T18:21:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:11.611Z

I've had a few motoring problems in the past. I've broken my big end, warped my head, endured a weak, then perished, diaphragm. I've suffered seized drums, blowing pipes, sticking floats and all sorts of other auto-mechanical indignities. More recently I have had other vehicular woes when my pride and joy was stolen from me (see here). The ne'er do-wells that took her did this to the poor old

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-47178125897523597972007-03-07T21:54:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:11.980Z

Have you ever read the ingredients of Lea & Perrins' rather famous Worcestershire Sauce? They are (and I hope they don't mind me listing them) : Malt Vinegar (from barley), Spirit Vinegar, Molasses, Sugar, Salt, Anchovies, Tamarind Extract, Onions, Garlic, Spice and, here's the punchline -Flavouring!They obviously looked through the ingredients list and thought 'Well it will be a nice colour and

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-69313002026700079372007-02-28T20:57:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:12.469Z

There's a chap where I work whose mobile phone has the theme from 'Red Dwarf' as the ring tone. Now this should really piss me off. I should be outraged. I should be planning all sorts of nasty things. But I'm not. I may hear it two or three times a day, but I sort of like it. It's quite cheery.What's happening to me? Is parenthood turning my brain to soft cheese?*My brain, yesterday.* When I

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-51771454590365674162007-02-25T15:31:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:12.821Z

This day a year ago Antonia gave me a most tricky task. Her favourite long black swishy coat had developed a hole in the pocket and some loose change had fallen through. There were two or three coins trapped in the lining and yours truly, as Man of The House had a duty to retrieve said coins. I had just navigated one of the coins through endless miles of lining and was aligning it with the hole,

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-41904223588725516402007-02-18T17:29:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:13.479Z

Derek, our rather lovely, stately and rotund old lady cat is scared of little. When things go bump in the night and Clive ('tother cat) hides under the bed, Derek will, most often, go and investigate. When foxes put their heads through the cat flap and send Clive into a desperate tizzy, Derek will go and punch them in the nose. Not much ruffles her feathers. Not much, that is, except The Hoover

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-60508996578004658412007-02-10T12:08:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:13.763Z

...and their super-groovy model railways. The latest sets of model people help to provide a rather 'European' realism for your train set.The story is here, and more photos are here .*I especially like the heavily armed police and deeply suspicious looking foreigners.Antonia is a very impressed as she was planning something very similar for the garden railway train set I accidently** bought last

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-74684883883309821932007-02-10T00:33:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:13.955Z

Is carrying this picture:With the caption:'Driving conditions are less than ideal in some of the worst-hit areas.'Hoorah! for the BBC. We British may not be able to confront rude morons very well, but we are quite good at understatement.More pictures of the snow in New York State here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_pictures/6348947.stm

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-91993552579227861412007-02-09T21:18:00.000Z2007-02-08T21:52:05.880Z

In the lobby of the building where I work there is a little coffee and snack stall. It is usually run by a chap, but sometimes, like today, by an always polite but not overly confident Asian lady.I ordered a small black coffee shortly after a middle-aged, well-dressed woman ordered a large latte. Despite the large latte being started first, not surprisingly my small black coffee had finished

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-29801767630665130872007-02-08T18:27:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:14.173Z

Tonight is Wednesday night which is folk night on the wireless (we only have one radio station here at Cornwell Towers). Tonight is their annual awards night, and listening to it has brought home to me just how much I hate Folk Music. Now I have very broad music taste. I like all sorts of music but Traditional British Folk (or Fulk as one old friend insists on pronouncing it) music stands out as

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-38335680177459140132007-02-01T20:43:00.000Z2007-11-02T19:27:02.086Z

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-52638863981618489112007-01-31T21:05:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:14.288Z

Now, I don't find it easy to admit to going off prematurely, but it appears I might have done so...Thank you everyone who has looked into it more than I did and told me what the score is. It appears I was a bit hasty in blaming The Powers That Be.It seems that there has been a long history of wishful-thinking women, high on powerful hormones, that turn up to register births citing Des Lynam,

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-24639044997249921132007-01-29T22:22:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:14.839Z

Recently, my first-born child, the fruit of my loins and apple of my eye, the adorable baby Esme, was officially registered with The Powers That Be. Now it should be noted that Antonia, my soul mate, partner in crime and love of my life, and I are not actually officially married in a legal, got-a-certificate kind of way. I changed my name to match her surname so the family has a family name, we

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-38988379815517401002007-01-27T12:44:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:14.958Z

Recently my beloved life partner, soul mate, mother of my daughter and love of my life said some things about me, that I feel might need some qualification.The comments in question referred to my use of the word 'we'. Now while it would be easy for me to come back with some tit-for-tat 'oh, but what about the time when...' I will not. You see, it's like this, there are two distinct situations

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-62972407123848496762007-01-21T11:56:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:15.490Z

Righty ho, I seem to have been tagged by Adrian with a 'Five Things We Didn't Know About You' meme that is running through my blogging acquaintances like a dose of clap through a budget brothel. So despite having already posted two times in the last two days, I find myself saddling up for a third.1.The Educational:I collect Victorian home medical encyclopaedias. These books give a fascinating

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-47399116594778947752007-01-20T19:23:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:15.651Z

This photo appeared on the BBC website following the recent storms:It was, of course, a recent scientific discovery that a car (or any large, near-hollow object) can, in fact, pass through a tree (or other dense organic matter), but only if going slowly. Anything under 15mph should be okay for a family car and a large fallen oak.Either that or someone is making cruel and unfounded insinuations

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-61636341418165049502007-01-19T20:16:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:15.795Z

Now, I know it's not right to mock the afflicted. But sometimes I can't help myself. Sometimes they beg to be mocked, sometimes they seem intent on mocking themselves, sometimes they dress like this:I mean, honestly, what was she thinking when she got dressed?'Super-dark Chanel sunglasses on a dreary day, check.''Andy Warhol tribute hair, check''Slightly too small leopardskin-print top over a

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-34602244287409728982007-01-17T21:14:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:15.929Z

Trips to the wood yard are always exciting. Firstly we get to make 'Getting wood' gags. I shall never tire of that one; that and the 'pass the ashtray' gag. I have a theory that even the worst joke in the world can become hilariously funny if you tell it often enough. I believe this is excellent training for the next phase of my life as 'Embarrassing Middle-Aged Dad' ; I can hardly wait until

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-25546942669226914632007-01-14T00:33:00.000Z2007-01-14T00:36:59.694Z

My cat licks melons. Which is nice. (I couldn't find a tune called 'Melon Licker', but I figured Window Licker was a close enough.)

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-72818597347793618852007-01-10T23:59:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:16.227Z

It's getting worse!

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-83307704564165152752007-01-10T23:19:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:17.087Z

I can't remember how it came up originally, but we here at VitriolForDummies decided to bring good luck and wishing up to date.For to long we have been dependent on old wives tales and murky superstition for our good fortune. This new and updated list is, of course, based on solid scientific research.We have downgraded shooting stars (they are only little rocks, after all, and you always get

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-13014101662135763872007-01-05T22:13:00.000Z2007-01-20T18:13:49.849Z

Our beloved local council have just decided that parking permits should cost more for 'gas guzzlers'.Oh yes! I hear you say, let's penalise the evil polluters! but wait...Parking restrictions are from 8:30 to 5:00, when most folk are at work. Now if I leave my vehicle behind and cycle to work like usual, I will be charged more than if I drive to work each day! Hoorah, that really makes sense! And

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-13077472293223709152007-01-01T12:22:00.000Z2007-01-01T12:30:51.757Z

Hoorah for the French !(and you won't hear me say that very often).

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-86678080420706634192006-12-28T18:36:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:17.487Z

I think we should all spend a moment to consider the true meaning of Christmas, so I found this, and the somewhat shorter this. But more importantly here is a straw Christmas Goat:In Sweden it's not a fat old man with flighty reindeer who delivers the presents on Christmas Eve, oh no, it's the Julbok - the Christmas Goat!If I'm going to make up strange tales of spurious super-natural

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-6701577739283175532006-12-23T14:06:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:19.008Z

The Omnibus: from the Latin 'Omni', meaning 'All' and with the dative plural suffix 'bus', thus meaning 'For All (people)', and commonly used to describe horse-drawn or motorised public conveyances. What wonderful egalitarian images it conjures up! A full and diverse cross section of society riding together through the streets of our country's towns and cities; travelling to work, visiting

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-11659476282628928922006-12-19T22:26:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:19.169Z

Well, Monday was my first day in the new job, and it all went rather wellSo far there have been:1. A complete lack of 'colourful' characters trying too hard to impress or befriend me2. Zero disapproving looks as I accidentally used the wrong coffee mug3. No cringe-worthy, embarrassing foot-in-mouth moments when I call someone a clueless fuck only to discover she's 1.Standing behind me, and 2.My

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-75722127597701572802006-12-17T10:57:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:21.413Z

One month ago, for reasons to0 numerous and dull to list here, I quit my job. Three days before my last day a large meeting was held with compulsory attendance for all my eighty or so colleagues. The department (or 'sector' as they called it) I worked in is to be relocated to Basildon (about 35 miles east of London).Basildon is a 1950s 'New Town', built to provide housing after the war. Before I

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-50428469113428576422006-12-16T23:06:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:22.490Z

It seems to me that our dear, beloved Home Secretary, Dr John Reid has a phantom moustache. If you see him out of the corner of your eye, he has a moustache, but when you try to look at it, it just melts away.I think it is possibly the ghost of William Powell's moustache:I'm not sure of the significance of this, but I don't think that it is right that a man in his position is sporting the

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064047336609097392.post-91993111334971538652006-12-07T19:38:00.000Z2008-12-12T00:49:22.896Z

How Americans make 'traditional' sage stuffing (thanks to Kraft)Enriched Wheat Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Iron, Thiamin, Mononitrate [Vitamin B1], Riboflavin [Vitiman B2], Folic Acid),High Fructose Corn Syrup, Onions*, Salt, Contains Less Than 2% Of Partially Hydrogenated Soybean And/Or Cottonseed Oil, Cooked Chicken And Chicken Broth, Carrots*, Yeast, Hydrolyzed Soy Protein Spice, Parsley*,

Ianklychnoreply@blogger.com8