Fun For All The Family...

From Chatham to Chicago, a 900 miles bored game for all the family!

Start:6:30am.
Leave Chatham, Cape Cod, MA only 20 minutes later than planned - not bad. Move forward one space.

Drive the first 70 miles to Boston in one hour! Hoorah! Move forward 2 spaces!

Drive next 15 miles in one hour - poop. Miss a turn.

Satellite Navigation system knows the way back to the car rental place! Hoorah! Move forward 3 spaces!

Satellite Navigation tells you to 'Keep right', 'Keep right', 'Keep right', 'Turn left' as you go past the left turn because you were keeping right. Miss a turn.

Satellite navigation takes you on an architectural tour of downtown Boston. Swear. Go back two spaces.

Satellite navigation eventually gets you to hire car place with still time to get to airport! Move forward one space.

Car hire place checks in car in about 15 seconds and an airport shuttle bus turns up immediately just for you! Move forward 4 spaces and throw again!

American Airlines check in point is last along the airport one way system and heavy traffic, miss a turn.

Arrive at check in queue, young uniformed person asks your destination and points to a queue. Throw again.

Finally reach front of queue, Move forward one space.

Find out this queue is for 'e-tickets' only. Go to back of new queue (back two spaces).

Discover queue is full of strange and moronic families seemingly moving house by air each with at least 116 suitcases, all of which need repacking at the check-in desk. Watch as families take all their clothes/hairdriers/food mixers/children/other possessions out of some cases and cram them into other cases and weigh them again, and again, and again. Miss two turns.

Actaully get to front of right queue and check in luggage with an hour to go before flight departs! Pat yourself on back and move forward two places.

Discover queue for security check is 8 miles long as only one out of four security check points is open. Miss two turns. Swear. Watch time tick closer and closer to departure time.

Get through security without going 'beep' or requiring body cavity search. Move forward two spaces!

After much searching around find departure board and discover flight is delayed one hour. Miss two turns. Get a pizza.

Whilst hanging around gate notice the queue for security that caused you so much clock-watching anguish is now all gone, and people are just waltzing through. Miss one go due to high blood pressure.

Find out flight is delayed another hour. Go back one space.

Finally board plane! Huzzah! Move forward 3 spaces!

Wait further half an hour on plane because there is nowhere to land at Chicago as they are experiencing 'weather' and not allowing planes to land. Miss two turns.

Plane takes off without incident, flies to Chicago and lands! Bloody heck! Move forward 8 spaces!

Wait three quarters of an hour on plane because the allocated gate still has another aeroplane docked/moored^*, which can't leave as the crew haven't arrived and their flight is also delayed (and probably waiting behind ours for a gate). Miss a turn.

Get allocated a new gate, taxi to it and wait fifteen minutes to disembark. Miss a go, but then move forward 2 spaces. You're in Chicago! Sing 'A Little Bit Of Sunshine' from Chicago the musical.

Walk six hundred miles from gate ZZ-5674 to baggage reclaim and move forward to carousel 6 as announced, passing many eateries and shops on the way.

Move back to carousel 4, as this has your flight listed (back 1 space).

Wait thirty minutes and miss a turn.

See one of your bags on carousel 5! Collect it and move forward 3 spaces! You're nearly done!

Wait for rest of Luggage. Miss a turn.

Wait for rest of Luggage. Miss a turn.

Meet Meno at airport! Get an extra throw!

Wait for rest of Luggage. Miss a turn.

Find out other people on your flight also don't have luggage. Wait for rest of Luggage. Miss a turn.

Find out luggage is probably on next flight. Wait one and a half hours for next flight and miss three turns.

Try to go back to eateries and shops to get food and while away the hours. Find out that you can not go back due to one way security door with an angry guard. Make do with a coffee and miss a turn.

Luggage not on next flight. Join lost luggage queue. Go back 2 spaces and miss a turn.

Listen to person in queue find out that, despite the fact that the late arrival of their flight meant they missed their connection to Dallas, their luggage did not miss the connection. They have to spend night in Chicago hotel with two children while their luggage hurtles through the night on a plane they were too late to catch. Feel sympathy, miss a turn.

Get to front of queue only to have position at lost luggage desk close. Miss a turn and merge with other queue.

Wait half an hour behind southern couple whose luggage has been soaked in bleach during flight. Listen to them have to argue that dry cleaning can not unbleach clothes. Feel sympathy but miss two turns.

Report luggage missing and receive assurances it will arrive and will be forwarded to hotel. Leave airport with one of three bags. Move forward 1 space.

Find train station at airport, buy tickets, climb aboard. Train departs almost immediately. Move forward 2 spaces.

Discover train moves at 3mph and there are sixteen stops before downtown and the Hotel. Miss a turn for each stop, but move forward one space.

Train stops in tunnel while the 'Operator' 'Leaves the vehicle' to find and fix problem. Miss a turn.

See the words 'Navy Pier' written next to the station name on the station signs only as door closes and train pulls away. Swear. Move back 2 spaces.

Get off at next station and get next train back to previous station for 'Navy Pier', move foward one space

Emerge from subway station into a barren deserted light industrial landscape. Wonder if this is a good place to be walking about wearing the sartorial equivalent of having the words 'FOREIGN TOURISTS' painted in neon green letters across your chest. Look about furtively and move one space forward.

I am a tourist. Please mug me.

Hail a taxi from across a huge road junction which does a u-turn picks you up and delivers you directly to your hotel. Hoorah! You are there, order huge hamburger and gin from room service! If you have *all* your luggage then move straight to *Finish Line* you have won! Otherwise miss every turn until luggage arrives.

Receive phone call at 7am telling you luggage has arrived at hotel. Become quite excited and move foward 2 spaces.

Collect only one of the two missing bags. Sigh. Check internet for American Airlines baggage tracking and see that the last bag is on *next* flight. Move back one space. Sigh. Return to Bed. Miss a turn.

Get call at 11 am! The last bag is here. Over tip the porter who brings you your much missed luggage. Put on clean pants and go straight to *Finish Line*! You are now in Chicago with all your belongings!

Congratulations! You have finished the Chatham to Chicago dash. Total journey times-

You: 14 hours. Your luggage: 28½ hours



The journey from our Chicago hotel to our house in London (around 4000 miles) took 12 hours and was, thankfully, uneventful.

^*What is it called when an aeroplane is docked/moored at a gate?