It weren't me, luv...it were t'f*ckin' ace wot done it....

Fans of Viz (see below) will no doubt have noticed the lovable, wife-beating alcoholic Eight Ace has been in the news.

"I mean the language of war is victims. I don't like to kill people. I feel very sorry they been killed kids in 9/11"

I hope they have their man. Four years detained by the CIA, somewhere secret and presumably worse than Guantanamo Bay, and I'd probably confess to most things.