Call me Mr ---------------------------.
Recently, my first-born child, the fruit of my loins and apple of my eye, the adorable baby Esme, was officially registered with The Powers That Be. Now it should be noted that Antonia, my soul mate, partner in crime and love of my life, and I are not actually officially married in a legal, got-a-certificate kind of way. I changed my name to match her surname so the family has a family name, we jointly own our house (and mortgage), do everything together and are quite inseparable. However, we do not have a little piece of official paper to state that we declared all this to an official registrar.
What has this got to do with registering Esme? Well, here's a bit of her birth certificate:
Notice the father's name. Because we aren't married, I'm not allowed to have my name on my child's birth certificate. I am Mr. ------------; the mysterious, nameless inseminator. It's as if Antonia didn't quite catch my name, or perhaps saw no reason to remember it, or even ask for it. Perhaps the holy ghost was out and about, moving in His mysterious ways, is Esme the result of immaculate conception? Chances are, no. Antonia is fairly sure I am the father, but without a marriage certificate, well... best just leave the name blank eh? After all, if you are loose enough of morals to have a child out of wedlock you probably have unprotected sex with quite a lot of strangers, and so surely any name you gave would be nothing but guesswork anyway. That must be it.
We did consider, and might still apply for a Civil Partnership, now this is quite hard to distinguish from marriage. It was created for (and apparently can only apply to) same-sex couples. Antonia and I have decided if it's good enough for same-sex couples, then it's good enough for us, and if same-sex couples can't get 'Married' then we don't want to either.
But for now, I am that mysterious figure who comes in the night... The Inseminator.
Footnote:
Should the unthinkable happen, and we ever split up, Antonia will be legally compelled (that is, she will be breaking the law by refusing) to name me as the father; so that I can be forced, if necessary, to make support payments. So in that eventuality I *have* to be named. I can't help but think this process would be easier if my name was on the birth certificate in the first place.
9 answers on a postcard...:
I am both aghast and entirely unsurprised by such beauracratic nonsense. (I'm also both aghast and entirely unsurprised at my inability to spell "bureaucracy".)
Scratch that, I am surprised. And somewhat speechless. (Which means I'll keep talking for awhile, sorry.) And clearly I have worries beyond "is a hyphenate last name truly evil or just semi-cruel?" (My partner and I are far more likely to find ourselves in your situation than in the one that involves renting a hall and dressing sullen women in pink taffeta.)
I think you should paste the picture of the Inseminator onto the birth certificate.
Are you quite sure? This sounded very fishy to me so I looked it up:
Birth Certificates
"If you are married to the father of the child, the father’s name will be recorded. However, if you are not married to the father of the child the simplest way is for the father of the child to attend the Register Office with you and for you both to sign the birth register."
So it's not that you are not allowed to be on the certificate, but that you had to be there when it was signed, not unreasonably. I assume you were otherwise engaged whittling a new bed from the remains of the New Forest in your living room :) Carry on.
and I thought US law was a bureaucratic mess (the same law that compels cows walking through public thoroughfares to be clothed) until I realized that you have about 800 years on us.
the Inseminator - fantastic! There should be t-shirts and mugs :)
I'm quite surprised, especially as I studied family law not overly long ago and I'm pretty sure this would have warranted a full class-worth's ridicule of the stupidity rife in Blighty (the lecturer was prone to such outbursts). Leaving the unmarried father off the birth certificate against his wishes sounds too Dickensian even for the British powers that be. But then, I've never quite recovered from being asked whether I was a spinster by a public official.
On a serious note, you should investigate claiming 'parental responsibility' for Esme. If you're married it's automatically given to the father, but if you're unmarried certain things have to happen before you can claim it. I just found this online http://www.canter-law.co.uk/family/parental.htm and I strongly encourage you to have a look as it seems there are consequences to not having your name on the birth certificate and you should seek to get your name on there asap.
You could sign as "Ianklych, aka The Inseminator", if you felt so inclined.
I am proud of you for not getting married until everyone can. Very noble. I have the same idea, but no one has asked for my hand lately, so the decision has been rather easy.
You changed your last name to Antonia's? I....i...love you.
What a crazy world we live in. Like moose said, i am both aghast and unsurprised.
Where on earth did you find the photo of "the inseminator"? It's perfect.
Lisa, 'tis Rocketman from the '50s cinema series 'King Of The Rocketmen' with a little photoshoppery, but I chose it because it looks just like me when I'm courting.
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